My Lack of Judgement

Upon arriving for work today, I could not even pull my level of focus together to see patients in the ER because of horrible feelings of guilt and irresponsibility continued to plague my conscience. Midway through the morning, I decided to take the remainder of the day off on stress leave for some time of self-reflection. Questions began rumminating in my mind as I asked myself:

1. What kind of friend am I?
2. Am I that irresponsible?
3. Am I that horrible of a person to others?
4. Am I fit for parenthood?
5. Am I over reacting?

Last evening, a few friends and I gathered at the local coffee shop for some gelato dessert. The evening began quite well as I was greeted upon arriving and informed that they didn’t think that I would show up tonight.

During the gathering, my friend Alexi went out for a drive in Brandon's recently completed MK1 Cabriolet Turbocharged G60 conversion. This is where the evening began heading downhill. While he was out driving, someone made the suggestion that we pull a prank on Alexi, and push his parked MK3 VR6 a few stalls forward. After his car was moved, everyone returned to the coffee shop and waited for his return. I knew at that moment that this wasn't going to be good

Honestly, nobody in the group intended to upset Alexi. In the past, I've had numerous tricks and pranks played on me from my friends and fellow Volkswagen enthuisiast. In the past, my friends have hidden my antenna; moved & kicked my car, gently rear ended with a friend's car at stop lights, windshield wiper completely removed, messages fingered in my dirty paint, and stickers placed all over my vehicle. All of which were done for humour and laughs.

Throughout the whole process, I was surprised at myself that I did not think twice about how upset Alexi would become. He had recently repainted approximately 1/4 of his car it was freshly washed prior to coming out tonight. If it was my car, I understand how he would not want people draping her with fingerprints and risk denting a quarter panel.

When Alexi returned, he immediately jumped out of the cabriolet and was very upset. As expected, the blame was squared onto myself. Although I did not suggest the idea, I did participate in the act which makes me fully accountable. As well, I really showed a serious lack of judgement. As on of his closest friend present, I should have made the right decision and stopped it from happening.

As Alexi became increasingly angry, he made a sudden 180 degree turn, got into his car and drove off. Ten minutes later, Brandon received a telephone call from Alexi stating that he left because he was extremely upset. I followed up with Brandon's suggestion and later called him back to privately apologize and take responsibility for everything that happened tonight. Even after the call ended and I returned home, I still felt an overwhelming sense of guilt in which I should have made a more mature decision.

Midway through this morning, I recieved a telephone message from our mutual friends informing me that when they found out of the incident, they were extremely disappointed in my actions. I totally deserve the statement below:

"What did you and your clan of followers do to Alexi's car? Completely uncool Rob. I think you have split personalities, you go from a good friend to doing something like this. Alexi was VERY upset and after hearing about it and that you had a role in this made me upset. Come on Rob.....get a grip."

I've already attempted to contact Alexi by phone this morning to offer a physical apology, but he did not answer his phone. I don't blame him for not wanting to speak to me.

This incident really made me realize that my guilty feelings are prompted by the level that I respect I have for Alexi and our friendship. Hopefully I can get a hold of him later today to apologise and share my guilty feelings.

Once again, I will take full responsibility for this incident as I should have thought twice and stopped it from happening. I continue to feel horrible about the incident and that no words of apology can explain my guilt.